I'm doing voice To text I hope you'll Forgive the strange formatting. So, I've had a massive 2012, and I have gone through basically all the phases with living with MS.

At 1st I was angry and rejected it and Whit and was actually suicidal because I was upset what the Upheaval of my life. Then for about 4 to 5 years I just ignored it I just pretended like I didn't have M s. Finally in the past 3 years or so I finally gotten better at taking better control over my treatment and being more proactive with my health, but it's still gets to me sometimes that there is never going to be a cure and I'll never get better.

Back in June Kama I noticed my eyesight on my right side was off.. This is normal for me because I have opportunities so I've just expected it to be another episode. However, my doctor's multiple doctors said that everything was fine everything looks fine they didn't see anything wrong so mostly they ignored it. I kept on pushing the issue over the next number of months and I didn't a MRI earlier this month and they found extensive damage to my optic nerve and orbital area due to Unchecked MS specifically . We probably would not have found it if I had not pushed so hard but I am really frustrated that I had to push So hard to even see anything.

On top of this, I'm having a lot of trouble with my motor control and even typing on the computer or my phone has become a problem which is why I'm using voice to text as imperfect as it is.

I guess this is a vent post because it feels like my life has been destroyed by the disease and not just physically but my relationships and my sense of self and I don't really have a support network I don't really have anyone to rely on it's just me so it's really hard most of the time.

I have amazing friends not so much family but I have amazing friends. But my friends can only do so much-they have their own lives to take care of their own families and as much as they care about me they can't take care of me.

I guess I'm feeling really lonely right now and isolated because of my MS.