I’m not scared for my life or safety or anything, but I literally have no place to go. So there’s backstory, and I probably won’t make sense and I’ll delete this anyway.

My (ex)wife is a control freak. If I’m not on the phone 24/7 solving something, I must be doing something wrong. If we’re not making progress with something, it’s my fault for not working hard enough. Now I’ve never fully trusted government or corporations, but I do recognize when it’s time to let the machine work. Should be noted I have ms and severely disabled, and she’s watched me go downhill. But I’m not getting better. I’ve tried every therapy out there and nothing worked. So she acts like this is my fault for not working hard enough. Because I’m not doing physical therapy all the time, I’m not working hard enough and I should be getting better. She wants me to recover so we can have a normal life. And if I ever ask her for help she just says “caregiver burnout” and ignores everything.

Now I feel scarred, that everything is my fault, and I’m not good enough for anyone. That I’m just a burden and ruin everyone’s life I come in contact with. And she refuses to seek help. Claims civilian mental health is too expensive, and we’re veterans but she hates the last va therapist she saw; all they wanted to do was talk about COVID.

I have caregivers so my base needs are met. But everything I’m doing wrong is my fault, not the disease, and I’m not doing enough. Everything wrong in our lives comes back to me and my not working hard enough. It’s something she can’t control and she can’t take it. And how am I supposed to build friendships or find love if I’ve had it beaten into me that I’m just lazy.