I am going to try and keep this as short as possible.

I'm 37 and was diagnosed about 5 years ago. My mother has MS, and while she was mostly in a remission state for most of my childhood, her way of coping with the diease and addiction was to make sure I never "needed" her. She made it a point to push me away as much as possible.

She got her wish, we have not had any interaction in about 10 years, per my decision. I chose not to allow this toxic relationship into my life once I found out I was pregnant with my first child.

Well the universe has a lovely way of kicking you in the ass. Because like I said 5 years ago I too was diagnosed. And as a mother that scares the life out of me. My biggest fear is turning into a huge burden to my children at an early age.

Now with all that being said, I am divorced and have my kids a week on/off. By the last few days they are away it really sinks in how alone I am. Most of my family has written me off (for lack of a better term) I have no friends, and I got divorced in part (a major part) because of this diease.

I know it is irrational, but when i am feeling down like this i cant help but really really hate this stupid diease. I have such a resentment towards it for taking so much away from me, even though I know it is not responsible truly.

Also, I am 2 weeks away from my next treatment so emotions are running much higher then normal.

I am just so tired of being sick, and not being able to really have strong connections with people in part because of the symptoms and stresses that come along with this diease.

Please please please don't lecture me about this not being a death sentence, i know that. And i said i know MS is not the only factor to my issues, but it does make most things more difficult, and today that is bothering me.