I am turning 25 next month. It's been horrible to watch how my father is doing - worse and worse and worse. It is even more horrible because I believe that this is how it is going to be for me, too. That some higher power is torturing me by showing me what my future is - warning me beforehand. I am VERY angry at my father, for bringing me into existence, even though he knew he was sick.

Years ago, hospital psychiatrists recommended that I should change environment and meet people who are doing well with their lives with MS. Changing environment is not possible due to financial reasons. And I don't see someone doing well. Day by day I watch my future in my father. I can't describe what this feels like. A cruel joke.

Also doctors are shit, sorry but they don't believe me, they tell me it's all in my head, until they see a worse MRI. That's only when they believe. Again off meds, because the last injections I've been doing (Mylan, generic copaxone) gave me a horrible time - puking, difficult chest pain, really difficult to breathe, burning/red head, severe menstrual pain, really loud headache and the last time, lots of bleeding from the injection spot. I seem to be injecting in blood.

This is by no means a life worth living. Watching my father, then suffering it myself, too. This is not a life worth living. But I don't know what I am supposed to do now?

Why didn't he wonder if he could pass it on to me? And if he did so, why did he believe it was worth risking my life, forever? I don't remember ever seeing my father out of a bed. I just don't. The only picture I know of him, is him in a bed. It's dreadful.

Edit. Sorry for writing in such a confusing way. He has been sick before I was born. I just learned about it in middle school, on my own. My mom told me about what's up with my father only when I got it, too.