Yea so to start out I’m 25 and AMAB. I’m pretty sure I’m trans, while I have a ton of traditional masculine hobbies, grew up playing high school football, and what not, I’ve just always wanted to be a woman as long as I could remember. I’ve blocked that feeling out for awhile, but over the last few years I think I’ve had a feeling. One incident that gave me an inclination is I had a FTM cousin, and while I never mentioned this to him, I was just unable to relate to the feeling of wanting to be a man, which struck me as odd as that’s all I’ve ever done. But, I’d just dismiss it as if I did transition I’d be letting people down, potentially ruining relationships with my family members and doing who knows what to my career.

But over the last few months it’s gotten too hard too ignore. I’ve started to look at myself naked and just feel sad when I see a hairy man staring back at me, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even look in the mirror. Hell even watching a tv show and seeing a woman in a bikini makes me feel sad, makes me wonder why that can’t be me. Frankly these feelings aren’t going away and only getting stronger, and I guess I don’t know what to do.

I am in a long term relationship with a woman, and I guess the logical first step is to tell her, but that’s obviously a terrifying thing to bring up. I think what makes it worse is that part of my wanting to be a woman is I’d love to get all dolled up and go out with friends to bars, dance and talk to strangers and just live that single 20’s life as a woman, which obviously doesn’t jive well with a long term relationship.

But yea I just don’t know what to do or what the future holds, I’m worried about my career prospects, my relationship, how my family and friends will react and who knows what else. I’m in a major city and there are a few therapists who specialize in transgender clients, so I guess that’s a logical jumping off point, but still I’m pretty terrified and if any of you girls could offer any advice or thoughts I’d be forever grateful!