Hey folks, I am in the process of coming out and healing from a bad situation I spent my twenties in. Because the first couple times I tried to come out ended in an escalation of abuse and a collapse in my mental health, I am finding it really hard to talk to people about how I am feeling and what I wan. I feel so behind where I want to be in life, I never got to do so many things that are considered “immature” for someone my age. Yet I know that it’s my own embarrassment and shame that’s stopping me from really living the life I want right now. Well, some of the things I want will require me to pass and have a couple surgeries, but I mean I can go to a friggin’ club in girl mode at least.

But I noticed a pattern in my relationships over the last few years. Because I was shamed by my abuser for my core needs, I have a hard time expressing what I want - even with healthy people! I’m scared that if I don’t learn, even transition won’t make me happy. But I’m scared to open myself up to the same pain that nearly killed me before.

Have any of you read any books or watched any videos you could recommend? I am in therapy, but it’s through my school so this issue has been triaged out for the time being.