So I went to my doctor last month and she asked me about HRT and stuff and I told her I wasn't sure and that I should sort out my anxiety and depression before going there. And she agreed with me saying that sound reasoning. But, now I'm just anxious about it.

I got the Psych appointment coming up, but it's just stressful keeping it together. Like I'm pretty sure I want to start the hormones now even though I feel that I'd start and basically keep it a secret until I can't anymore. And then there's the fact about being concerned about the issue of infertility and if I want bio kids or not. And the most obvious of is this what I really want.

But I thought about the whole thing way more than people do an average so idk

Anyway I'm just so anxious and depressed and just want to kill myself cause I'd feel that be better than existing now like all once your dead there's nothing to worry about that's it.