It's been 18 months. I'm so tired of this.

I get turned on, very into the material I'm consuming, play with my nipples and breasts until it stops being super great doing that, then use a magic wand between my legs, slowly sliding it up and down until I find the spot and angle that feels best. I seem to naturally crave it more intensely so I find myself pushing into it. Within a couple minutes or so, tops, I have an orgasm that's centered in my genitals, definitely isn't dry, lasts in the single digits of seconds tops, and then immediately get completely exhausted and any further touch feels un-arousing. If I try to hold back and/or edge like I did pre-hrt it typically results in just a really shitty faux orgasm and then refraction happens and I have to stop.

How do I fix this? How do I move past it?

Is it my levels and delivery method? I'm on 6mg sublingual estradiol and 300mg spiro, I take half of each in the morning and again at night. Unrelated, but I also take 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL and things seem to have improved marginally since starting that a month or two ago (could be unrelated). Last blood test I had I was ~10 hours after my last dose, I had 153 pg/ml estrogen and 33 ng/dl testosterone which are ostensibly pretty much perfect. Is my estrogen not high enough? Is my testosterone not low enough? Would injections or patches work better? Is it possible I actually am taking too much spiro for this to be good for me? Do I need to add progesterone? When I sampled medoxyprogesterone it was very bad for me, but maybe the real stuff would help?

Is it my equipment? I've got SRS scheduled with Suporn in June 2018 so I'm going to be waiting a while. I'm hoping this fixes things. Would an orchiectomy help in the meantime?

Is it my technique? Is there something I'm missing about how to masturbate properly? The last time I brought my prostate into play was a while ago, but from my experience doesn't make much of a difference except for being more intense overall and feeling good.

Is it something else entirely I'm missing? Does my aphantasia and lack of ability to visualize things mean it's impossible for me to be turned on as much as visualizers are when I'm alone?

I'm just so tired of being moderately to extremely disappointed from every orgasm I have, and it seems every few days or so I read yet another thread about how amazing and effortless it is to have mine blowing, earth shattering, amazing orgasms. It frankly causes me more distress, anguish, and dysphoria than almost anything, and I just want to find a way to improve things.