tw for bad vibes i suppose so for context, i work a job that requires me to respond to emergencies, so and i'm down in la right now. mostly that just means going to fire camps and helping make sure the camps run smooth. taking out trash, handing out supplies, just keeping things moving.

anyway, if you didn't know this, large swaths of blue collar workers generally aren't agreeable with trans folks. i can deal with hearing the comments people think i can't hear. i can deal with the weird looks i get. i can deal with it to a point at least. what i can't fucking deal with is the showers. they're usually gendered, communal shower rooms with thin walls or curtains hung up to make stalls.

i usually do everything i can to make sure that i walk into the shower room with my other female coworkers. but yesterday i just didn't really have that option. and yesterday was the day they put a man in the shower room with me. i spent a shower terrified, sobbing, and praying nothing would happen.

every fire something like this happens. i haven't felt safe WHILE FUCKING BATHING in a month of sundays. i'm so fucking tired of looking over my shoulder, or hoping with every ounce of my soul that nothing happens. i'm so tired of hiding behind my coworkers. i'm tired of breaking down crying because i'm scared to just exist. it's been two years of this and i'm starting to feel like it will never end. feelings from work are starting to bleed into the rest of my life and i'm finding i feel anxious to just go in public by myself, even if while "boymoding"

idk i'm just scared and tired and tired of being scared thanks for coming to my tedtalk