Actually, it sucks a lot

All the popular transfems I see on social media are thin, and it hurts a little - well, maybe more than just a little. I know comparison is the thief of joy and social media popularity doesn't mean anything and they aren't real and blah blah blah whatever, but it still hurts. Like being thin is a prerequisite for being valued as a trans woman - though this is true for cis women too, of course. And everyone else

I haven't started HRT yet for various reasons but one of the big ones is because I both want to and need to lose weight. I'm borderline obese and most of it is in the wrong places, abdominal fat and everything

I want to lose all my excess weight so when I start I can maximize that fat distribution I want so much, and I'll kinda need to because my medical whatever will probably be very reluctant to prescribe me stuff given the risks

I sometimes wonder if this is a source of dysphoria for me. It's certainly a source of major insecurity. So many young women have small waists and curvy hips (algorithmic selection bias notwithstanding), meanwhile my waist is bulging out in the grossest way. Not even in the cute fem way!!

And I worry I'll be this way forever. I've had some traumatic experiences and chronic stressors for a lot of my life and I think those are significant reasons why I'm overweight. And people who lose weight usually gain most of it back anyway

That might be helpful for getting hips and stuff but if my alleles don't code for the "give OP an hourglass!" proteins and instead the "we're always going to deposit everything in your abdomen!" proteins, I won't be particularly happy with that either :/