I'm a cis dude,I'm fine with that,I'm not uncomfortable with that,Ive already gone through a whole phase of questioning before I decided I'm a guy but there are things that I've been thinking about.I'm here because I dont know where else to go

I think I'm jealous of women,like so unbelievably jealous.I'm just jealous of feminine people in general,people who get to dress that way,wear makeup etc.I've never been traditionally 'masculine',I've always been softer and more emotional personality wise.I dont mind it but sometimes I feel like I have to hide it.My family sometimes makes jokes about it and while I know no harm is meant it does bother me a little

I'm just tired of traditionally masculine roles and expectations being thrown on me.I'm tired of feeling like I dont fit in anywhere,whether Im with men or women I always feel like an outsider.I feel trapped.I cant even mess with clothes because I live with others

I dont know what to do and Im a little embarassed to be here.Truthfully I just dont want to offend anyone.Two of my best friends are trans women and I think a part of me just feels guilty about wanting to be more feminine while still being a guy.I honestly just want to feel like I fit in somewhere