***Trigger warnings: this post mentions domestic abuse, self harm, and sexual violence.**\*

TLDR: Calling me brave doesn't actually support the trans and non binary community. I would like to know how cis allies plan to educate themselves and fight to win with us.

The title says it all but I'll elaborate just in case others find solidarity in suffering. When someone cis compliments me (trans femme, she/her) as being "brave" for being me I feel agitated. I know they mean well. They mean it as a compliment but I can also see it is an admission. In some way these individuals understand the social stigma and compounding issues that our community face. In other words, they commend us for facing the various systems and cultures that challenge us while they continue to benefit from these systems.

Furthermore, I feel like nobody really understands what I and my community go through unless you identify as part of the trans/non binary community. I want to highlight how they could and should do more than just call me brave. Like yes, compliments, use my preferred name, my pronouns, feed me crumbs, then feel righteous for doing the bare minimum as an ally.

Those who stick around for a discussion after calling me brave are often confronted with a harsh truth. I have been transitioning for the last two years, and during that time I:

• Forced to move six times for my own safety
• Was sexually assaulted 4 times
• Raped twice, once pre op, then post op
• Numerous death threats, including previous partners

During that same period I bought a car for one trans friend, paid for HRT for several others, marched in pride parades, organized conversations about LGBTQ inclusion, and quite my job to focus on writing a conversation guide for other LGBTQ people. Also yes, I am incredibly privileged within my community, but that shouldn't be the case!!! However, I am still part of a minority group, where many of us just have to survive, when we all have a right to thrive...I'm tired. I'm bitter. I'm still writing, but does anyone feel like our existence should not invite resistance?!