NSFW for precaution.

I cannot begin to explain the level of dysphoria and grief I feel around not having a uterus and not being able to carry a child with my body. I know I'm not the only one that experiences this but for me it's not just a hormone thing. I remember as a little boy looking at encyclopedias and information online about pregnancy and wishing that could be me. HRT, namely the progesterone, has only cranked up that dial to a million.

I swear if I were cis I'd be a stay at home perfect PTA bake sale type of mom. What makes it that much worse is I don't want to have any kids or live that life since I won't be the one to carry them. That's not at all to invalidate anyone else's experiences, even cis women's, it's just how I feel for my life. So I feel lost.

I try to live as happily as I can and enjoy as many experiences and things I can. I have a good life and im grateful for the opportunity I have to transition and at least feel at home in my body from it. But I can't even see a pregnant woman in public or a picture on Instagram without my insides feeling empty and cold. It hurts so bad...

I'm not really sure what else to say or what the point of this post even is, I just needed to get it out.

Love all you girls.