Yup I pretty much do too.

I mean yeah I wish I could pull off that kinda thing. But I can't. If I dress "masculine," which I need to, I just look like a guy. People don't know I'm a girl. They call me by my guy name, call me he, treat me as they would a guy. Even when I look in the mirror, all I see is a guy. Not a butchish or tomboyish woman, a guy. It's what any sane person would say.

How long have you been on HRT?

Omg I totally get that “reset” feeling. I’ve had so many “I just wanna start another save file this one is fucked” thoughts.

Nah, you need support much more. My family loves me. I can tell this is confusing for them, but they're trying. I give them permission to call me by my first initial to avoid deadnaming me without outing me accidentally and they make sure to do so, which I really appreciate them for.

I live in rural New England, which is an odd situation. A lot of people are vaguely progressive and non-hateful, but there's certainly a kind of culture that is resistant to someone "making a scene." And yeah, looking like me and dressing in a feminine way is certainly doing that.

But honestly, the thing that is the biggest weight is my workplace. I can tell it's a very conservative place. Even heard people straight-up believing that kitty litter in the schools bullshit. So yeah, I'm not out at work. I'm sure if I really made a stink to HR whenever anyone gave me shit for being trans they might be able to crack down, but I don't wanna go through all that drama.

I work full time, so yeah work is like most of my waking life. I live alone, as well. Like I guess I could "girlmode" at home, but what's the point. I just sorta take my pants off and chill in my boxers and gray work shirt. And that's pretty much my life. It's kinda a limbo.

I hope I can move to a city soon where I at least know I can go to places where I won't be seen as a freak if I go as my authentic self. Right now I go to a hair salon where they call me by my name and know my gender, and even that little bit means the world to me.