Well, settle may not have been the right word for me to use. 😊🩷 It isn't my preference, but it also wasn't a hard limit for me either. Monogamy is what I'm used to, and it's easy for me. But I had always said that being open would be okay.

There are definitely benefits. It's easier to find group sex. We can invite friends over to share or get invited to join others since our group of friends is all really close.

There's less pressure to be put in roles we're not comfortable with. I'm a total submissive, not a dominant bone in my body. She's a switch. Definitely, Domme leaning, but she does have a submissive side. In other relationships, I would have been pressured to Domme. Now, she can go find a dominant friend for a scene if she wants.

We're both Bisexual. So, we get to explore our own sexualities. I mostly like men, so my partners are mostly dominant men. She likes whatever. Dominant guys, subby transgirls, vanilla enbys. We know we can't give each other everything sexualy, so we have partners that can fill that gap every once in a while.

There's definitely downsides, but it's a fair trade. I just have a slight preference is all.

Because it wasn't the sex that made me jealous. Like I said.

It was the fact that they went to a romantic spot we normally go to. It was the fear of the possible romantic relationship, not the fact that they might hook up.

If she told me she was just going over to bang him and come back, I'd be fine.

It's never the sex. I've had casual hookups before with no romantic attraction, so that doesn't bother me. I can view it almost like a hobby. Like video games or chess. But another romantic partner? I can't handle it.

Also, jealousy is a part of any poly relationship. Open, Solo Poly, or even a Throuple. It's not about if you get jealous, but when and why.

And we talked it out like a healthy couple. I explained what made me so upset, and we set up a new boundary. I processed my emotions and learned to better handle it next time.

1. I am a-okay being the living sextoy for my partner and her or my partners. So threesomes (or more) I'm so down. 😊

2. I always know who she's with/been with. And vice-versa, so no randos. We're always communicating about it. Who, where, when, that type of deal. We normally try and schedule our partners at the same time so we dont get as lonely/jealous.

3. I get way more jealous if I think one of her partners does have a romantic interest in her. I make it very clear to her and my partners that I don't like the term "date." We're friends who fuck, and while we may hangout before/after, it's not a date. One guy she was talking to took her out dancing to a place we normally go to together, and I was extremely distraught. It's probably the worst night I've had in a minute, and I couldn't stop crying after she left.

Romance is what scares me. I don't have the capacity to have that type of emotional connection for more than one person, and I certainly don't want to be one of a few for someone else either. That just seems so sad to me. I don't want to spend all my time with my partner, and they shouldn't spend all their time with me either. Having separate lives is what makes us the individuals we each fell in love with. But I do want to spend as much time as we get together. 🩷 Having to split the very limited time I have with this person that I love more than anything in the world is heartbreaking to think about, and it is an emotional hill I doubt I'll ever get over. Which is how she told me she feels, too.

I'm very curious as to why that's not a factor (or maybe it is, and I'm just missing something) for true poly people. I'm down to hear your's or anyone's perspective on it so I can try to understand, though! I want to learn. No judgement just because I have a different perspective. 😌