Hi, my name's Red (AMAB). I've never been one for beating around the bush, so

I've always felt that i'd rather be of the feminine persuasion, ever since i was young. Back then, i chalked it up to the fact that it seemed like girls just had an easier time of things, especially since i was bullied by a bunch of girls when i was in my early teens about my appearance.

More recently (last few years), i've thought about it as more of a fetish, and kind of a thing where "if i could press a button and i was turned into a woman, i'd press it" kind of thing, but i'd never thought of actively seeking to go through HRT. Even more recently, i've just got some blood test results back from the doc after complaining about some sexual related issues, and it turns out that my natural testosterone levels are about 1/2 to 1/3 of what they should be for a male.

I spoke to one of my friends, and they were joking about saying if i ever wanted to transition, now would be a good starting point because i'm already naturally producing lowered T levels. I started thinking about it more and i'm really just not sure where I am at the moment.

I've never minded being referred to with male pronouns and all that jazz, and i've never preferred male or female pronouns explicitly, so i'm not sure if i actually am trans, or whether it is just a bit of a fetish. It doesn't help that i'm also pretty equally attracted to men and women, so i don't even have a sexual preference to kind of launch off from. I also do a bit of a "trick" i guess you could call it - if i have the choice between two things, i flip a coin and base my decision about how i feel on the answer. Eg, not sure whether to get pizza or get a burger for dinner. I'll flip a coin, and if the coin comes up pizza, if i go and think "i wish it had turned up burgers" i go burgers, so i tried this a few times and it was nearly completely neutral, regardless of the result. If that makes any sense at all.

Any advice is welcome, i guess i'm just looking for a bit of guidance on what to do next