Recently I saw a post here from someone claiming that they couldn't be happy for trans women who pass, and how they clearly resent trans women who pass and who choose to go stealth. There were many comments that followed that commiserated and agreed with the OP.

From my understanding I am very lucky to be a trans woman who passes, and have been since very early into my transition, even being "mistaken" for a girl before I came out and started transitioning, partially due to my long hair and feminine facial features, but also because I'm fairly short (5'4"). I had a very deep voice, closer to Corpse Husband than Patrick Warburton. I worked SO hard, using only YouTube videos as guidance, to retrain my voice. For MONTHS on end. If I was awake, I was practicing.

During this time, I worked in a retail bookstore as a cashier and trainer. Living in Texas, you can guess how people were. Coworkers were abusive, customers were abusive, even threatening. I was disowned by my family, violently, and a long term partner left me to cover expenses I couldn't afford on my own.

I lost everything. All my friends, all my family. I was on my own, struggling to navigate a situation that I had no idea how to do. I managed, though.

Durring this time, I tried going to a transgender support group in my area. There were a good number of trans people there: trans masc, trans femme, NB, those who had started medically transitioning and those who had not yet.

With each other, they were very supportive. With me, I was treated with hostility by those in charge, and not only treated as if I didn't belong, but flat out told that I didn't. A support group for transgender individuals, and I was told I didn't belong.

That post, tearing down other trans women, and seeing so many people respond in agreement towards trans women who pass.... I can't even begin to tell you how shitty that is. You have no idea what someone is going through because all you're seeing is a 30 second snapshot out of context. You have no idea how close to giving up someone is, how much they are struggling and how desperately they need community. Your shitty attitudes towards trans women who pass robs women like me of community.

Why? For what? Because you're JEALOUS of how she looks? It's not all its cracked up to be. I get approached by men who won't accept no as an answer. I'm terrified that they'll find out I'm transgender and murder me for it. Or worse. I still get hate comments and death threats from TERFs and transphobes. I've been beat up and left with a concussion in the street, and had more than one man assault me in a bar or while I was on a date with my partner.

I wake up every day and look in the mirror and all I can see are the things that aren't feminine enough. I barely know how to do my eyeliner and lipstick on the most basic of levels. I worry about being clocked and the fallout from that. I'm constantly told that I'm not a real woman.

And I have no community. Because I was told I didn't belong. I don't have trans friends, because I'm not welcome in trans spaces because of the same attitudes as those expressed in that post.

Why am I so undeserving of community? Why am I not allowed to belong? I've been transitioning for 7 years.

I've written and rewritten this several times. And I'm sure I'm going to be downvoted to hell, given the attitudes I saw in that post. But maybe some of you will think about how your shitty attitudes are so reflective of transphobes towards other trans women who pass. Because all you're doing is hurting someone else because of your own pain and your own internalized transphobia.