Before I start to write about this i want to explain this is a relatively long post regarding me you are heroes to fight for our rights but look at me here is my life position my dysphoria is very high because of my facial hair I'm stuck with this awful beard I can't really feel anything less than I'm disgusted add to that I'm barely able to accept my self regarding the possibility of passing and fearing from hating myself more I'm fighting dysphoria but above that I had several relationships ended very badly to me! All say to you they love you! but at the nearest opportunity all disappear all leave you easily my mental health is in nowhere near good I'm really sad and devastated to trust but i hope! Yesterday i entered to a debate with my transphobic and homophobic grandmother because she attacked my appearance as i looked like a gay man according to her my mother did too because of my long hair and she says I'm hermaphrodite as an (insult), days before that i entered to violent debates against my coworker who called me a demon because he is a person who sees himself religious praying regularly and has the right to put his nose in my life and asked why I don't pray i said non of you business to him he then bombarded me with demonic names and talking shits to me while my brother was happy about it because we work together in one place my brother simply approved his behavior as he is religious radical too while I'm agnostic atheist living in this fu**** up religious conservative piece of shit society our violent discussions lasted days because he didn't want to shut up I'm literally exhausted and barely able to carry on I'm planning to get the fu** out of here this is my hope and my faith in myself and hrt is what keeping me together without that I don't think i will be here today I'm sorry if i sound very angry or triggered I'm really just wondering what else i can do! I won many times regarding my transition and what i gained but to where? i lost many times regarding alot of things too, my family will probably disown and hate me in the future i will fight every single moment to survive against everything that come my way attacking me the amount of hate or violence I'm experiencing is unbearable as i might go to full struggling mode I'm struggling against not just people but now against suicidal thoughts because I'm pushing away those thoughts and because of dysphoria and psychological suffering too let alone the dangers of being imprisoned because of who I'm! I'm literally living in fear in uncertainty In surviving mode no one here to support me my friends who are away and overseas are very few too I'm alone in this as i don't interact with any of people here out of fear after that I want us trans people to understand that: trans people all around the world are suffering from the same shits alot of our fighting for freedom isn't a fight for just trans people alone i came to conclude that it is a fight for the all, for people who need it (freedom) for all of lgpt too against those homophobic transphobic people for freedom in all of it's meaning too i feel alot of pressure to carry on as i wonder if i can do it or not? to carry on! I'm sorry for saying these things here but I wanted to vent!