I wish I could just move to a different state and just start over as myself. I’ve built myself up to be like the bad boy skater type to shield myself and I don’t want to come across as “Fake” for finally showing my true self.. Ive been on HRT for 9 months now and I’m finally starting to be happy for the first time since I can remember. I live with roommates one of them I’ve known since elementary school. I’m 26 now and he’s super transphobic so I don’t think I could ever come out to him without ruining our relationship. But we already don’t even really talk to each other or hangout anymore I think he knows… I think the only reason he’s avoiding anything to do with me is because neither of us are in a financial situation that we could afford to get our own place.. I feel so stuck… I’m going to continue with my Hormones and my journey I still don’t pass imo but this is something I’ve wanted my whole life I used to pray to god when I was a little kid and beg him to change me… I was raised LDS with most of my family being heavily indoctrinated. I’ve always been different I used to try my mom and sisters clothes this was in 3rd grade. and even before that I used to steal my moms pads and put them in my underwear before I went to sleep hoping it would turn me into a girl as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a girl.. then my moms dad came out as trans Now I had a grandma instead of a grandpa. I was ok with it I didn’t understand it at the time. But she was basically exiled from my family. I had never seen so many adults so upset about something. I think that engraved into my brain that it was wrong. So growing up every emotion every thought or movement I put a filter on and this is when my “boy mode” persona came to life. Many years passed of me pretending to be a boy before I decided I needed a girlfriend cause that’s what every other boy was focused on. When in reality I had no interest in a relationship or sex. I hated my body after puberty the changes that happened through me into a dark depression. I was sure I was doomed… I’ve never really had confidence because of this so I struggle to make new friends. Sorry for the life story.