I’m a 40 year old cis male. Married for 2.5 years to an amazing and supportive cis male.

Grew up in the south and definitely subjected to all the macho stereotypes.

In therapy last year, my therapist pointed out that most of my stress was coming from “having to be the man”. It was really profound.

I started playing with makeup about a year ago and cross dressed. At first it was press on nails and a wig. Now it’s full on shaving, makeup, skirts, wig, and blouse. I’ve even purchased a breast plate because I like the way it looks on me.

Here’s the thing. I am not sure if I feel trans or if this is a sexual thing. I say that because I love the attention online that I get when I do my makeup and dress as a cis woman.

About a month ago, I was in a hotel and my husband caught me. I had a hotel room full of makeup and clothes. He was more worried about me cheating than the Crossdressing and makeup.

I think I really enjoy the idea of being a trans woman. But is it just because of sexual attention? I have usually taken the more submissive role as a gay man. Current marriage is sexless but that’s a separate issue.

Is there therapy or some resource to talk with others about these feelings? I just want to know what this all means.