I started transitioning about 4.5 months ago. Ive got an amazing support circle who’ve been nothing but encouraging up until now. Even my family has been supportive until now and I’ve been humbled by how nice even strangers are to me. Its been amazing.

Last night i saw my mother for the first time while dressed female. Shes known what I’m doing and was supportive of me taking hormones after years of hormone imbalance.

To be fair, when i started i figured id do more of a non-binary sort of thing where i continued to exhibit a masculine appearance at times to make it easier to deal with family and adversity. I told her i was not planning to present as female because at the time i wasn’t. But, after starting hormones my feelings changed and i decided i wanted to take a fully female identity which she did not agree with because it wasn’t her pathetically disgusting god’s way, but told me she still loved me and that she would respect my decision despite disagreeing with it, which was ok with me.

My insurance demands that I present female full time for a year in order to qualify for any type of facial feminization surgery (including electrolysis which i really really want). I had a doctors appointment so it was critical that I be “presenting female” (whatever the hell thats supposed to mean to begin with) so i was dressed fem. My mom called and asked me to come over afterwards. She had not seen me dressed fem before this so i warned her ahead of time which she said she was fine with.

As soon as i walked in the door with my wife she began loudly and emphatically proclaim how ugly i was over and over. I tried to ignore her and calm the situation but it just escalated until my wife was yelling obscenities at her and she was hurling insults and nasty transphobic slurs, telling me i was a pervert for transitioning and asking my wife is she liked being married to a pervert and if she was the type of whore that liked that sort of thing. My wife ended up cursing her and walked out. I stayed a bit to try and calm things down but she continued to insult me till i was sobbing. Then she had the nerve to come over and hug me while continuing to insult me which made me cry even harder. Finally i had the balls to get up and leave. She told me she loved me and i told her that i wish i felt that. I told her she was ugly too but on the inside.

Im devastated. My mom and i were very close before my transition and having had her support before starting i didn’t expect to be treated like this.

I know that a lot of people deal with this but its honestly the first real adverse situation I’ve dealt with in these 5 months and its shocking to have come from her. She didn’t raise me to act like this. My brother suspects she is getting dementia and so I’m not sure our relationship will ever recover. I feel terrible about myself even though i know i shouldn’t. To anyone whos read this far thank you, i needed to release a bit of emotion and i really need all the support i can get right now. ❤️ 😭