I never thought I'd end up doing a post like this, but I started HRT a little over 8 months ago, very close to 9 months. I wasn't expecting much, but everyone was hyping things up for me, they told me my muscles would shrink, giving me smaller shoulders, a smaller neck, a prettier face, and most importantly, that I would gain feminine curves.

When my boobs slowly started to develop, everyone was so happy for me, they said it was going "oh wow so well"

But at 8 months.. here I am. I started exercise a few months ago with a professional coach, I have a diet plan, and I work almost exclusively the lower body, with just light maintenance on the upper body, but nothing that targets upper muscles

And- nothing. Nothing is happening. 8 months of HRT, a lot of exercise, my doctor is saying my levels are all right, I've gained weight, but it all went to my midriff, widening my waist, adding fat to my belly and back

I expected my curves to jiggle a little when I walked, instead, my belly does that

I'm doing everything right, following all the guidlines, I'm doing more than other trans girls I know, and yet..

One of them grew DD's on month 8

One of them has an incredibly small frame and quite a large rear even though she currently stopped her treatment, yet it's still growing according to her

my hairline sucks, my face sucks, my body is as rectangle as it's ever been despite all my efforts, fat isn't going where I want it to be, I can't seem to build muscles despite my legs painfully hurting everytime I go to the gym

I feel like I'm cursed and that my biggest, dream, a feminine silhouette with an attractive behind and wide hips, is never going to happen.

My sister has quite narrow hips, same for my mom, and same for my father, the whole family is cursed with no hips

It's all I ever wanted, wide hips, big butt, to be either an A or an X, but I can't seem to achieve anything except a slightly rectangle V

My mom and sister have it easier, their smaller shoulders, small rib cages, bigger breasts, smaller heads, and tiny waist, give the impression of an attractive woman, my sister was bullied because she was TOO pretty, meanwhile I have always lived the opposite, and now that I'm trying to become a beautiful woman like her, I'm getting, at best, an androgynous mess when I'm wearing makeup and feminine clothing I carefully picked

I feel like it's useless, that I'll just be a stereotype "transwoman" forever, with nothing to do to change it, no exercise, no hormones, and no gaining weight seems to do anything

I'm already 24, but I've never felt so miserable and ugly, and most importantly, SO late.. 10 years behind cis girls in terms of puberty, in fact..

What can I do it, it feels like all my efforts aren't paying off, meanwhile everyone else is having amazing results super fast without needing any kind of gym or diet to gain, I'm just cursed