First off, I'm not talking about my HRT meds.

I'm sure most of you read Eden Knights note, or at least heard what happened. It's really been affecting me emotionally, and I was talking about it with my therapist on Wednesday. About how I'm only 23 and I'm already so sick of death. When it got to the part of the session where she did a safety assessment, I revealed that I had been stockpiling my antipsychotics for about 5 months and that I had been secretly keeping them just to give myself the option if I ever decide I needed it.

But I desperately need to get old. I need other trans and queer people to get old. I'm gutted every day when I see us continue to die so young. We don't deserve this. We deserve to get old.

My therapist agreed not to send me to the hospital as long as I sent a video of me destroying my stash within 24 hours of our appointment, so that's exactly what I did. It was hard, but I did it, and I've been feeling good about it. I'm going to meet with my psychiatrist to work out new meds (and lower pill counts) because 5 months of no antipsychotics has been rough.

Anybody that's reading this, if you find yourself in a similar situation as me, please remember how much your life is valued, even by people you have never met. I beg you, please get old. I love all of you so much <3