I am literally exausted ,my body is aching for something that i never had success on ,and probably never will, sometimes i think of leaving everything and finding a normal girl and having a normal family.

But i am afraid to hurt them with me , i tried to just ignore it by my needs always beat me after few months and even when i have hope it gets crushed with the brutal reality of things.

It just sucks that it makes me hate being like this i just wanna have a good life.

So does anybody know how to break out of this in a healthy way ,ik i could be a workaholic or be addicted to something, but is it possible to have a sustainable change?