Dear friends and fellow members of the Celestial Herd, and of course the Unicorn on the Moon himself, Moonhorse. I hope one day he will confirm if the moon is indeed made of cheese or not but maybe that's what Space Unicorns eat and its an ideal place for moon horses.

Well it is here, the final instalment of The Queen of Foxes, the inevitable trash fire the this this all became and it all happens a'la Facebook, because of course, why wouldn't it? The only times I heard of Lily in the most recent years come via ambiguous and not so ambiguous posts on Facebook, mostly consisting of her not learning that actions have consequences and being an adult means you have adult responsibilities like having a job and you can't expect the sun to rise and set for you because you have mental health issues (real or imagined in Lily's case) or anything else for that matter.

That being said as I have looked back on some of these posts, I have to admit something in my heart did genuinely begin to find some compassion. What yawning need for care and attention was left so unfulfilled in her life that, like a child, she decided that negative attention was better than none? Going even to the point that she even drove herself nuts to keep up with the image she was putting out to the world or give her a reason to behave the way did or both. Self-help charlatans tell you to 'manifest' what you want, so in Lily's case, I guess that worked and it all ended with a very sad, desperate individual that talked herself into those disorders that she tried so hard to copy.

In short as I looked back on the past I couldn't bring myself to feel anymore anger or distain for Lily, just plain pity because it would be like being angry at toddler that lashes out for attention. She is someone whose never really learned anything having kept herself stuck in the mindset of a perpetual angsty teenager.

Lily is just a child that has gotten old.

Now with that bit of philosophy over, it's time for the cringe we all came for. These are a series of Facebook posts and messages that I will give context to as needed. There was a shit ton of them so I had to narrow them down to Best Of or this post will become novel length. These are all public posts as well so it not like she was exactly trying to keep anything to herself or just between people. And if they sound disjointed, you will be right because the weird stream of consciousness way she would post. Like she was crawling out of the darkness to let herself loose on a keyboard when she couldn't have a tantrum anywhere else and feed on any drama or attention it could drum up. I guess being a conduit for Lilith the vampire demon means one needs their daily does of drama or Clammato juice.

To start with at the time of these posts, Lily was trying very hard to be a model. These were the days before Instagram in case there are any youngsters in the crowd wondering why she just didn't go the Instagram or Only Fans route. That is indeed where and when she proclaimed herself The Queen of Foxes, on her modeling page on Facebook because of her red hair and the fox ears she would wear in as-nude-as-Facebook-would-allow photos. To be frank a lot of those photos had more in common with armature porn and maybe goth-aesthetic pin-up magazines but she always insisted it was for "creative and artistic purposes" because pornography and other sex work "is degrading to women and anti-feminist." This coming from someone who made such wild assault allegations truly makes me wonder if she has some kind of non-con kink that she is ashamed to admit to herself. Also at this time Lily was entering her mid 20's and had a long-term boyfriend, Gene, who she was living with. Weather she loved and adored him because he took such good care of her, or hated because he was trying to kill her (And yes she would say stuff like seriously) depended on her mood: (BTW on the formatting, each paragraph is a subsequent post)

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"I want to tear my reflection apart. Her looks and weakness are an insult to who I am. I can't help myself, life hasn't gave me a reason to move on. Its a fucking nightmare. I to live somewhere else and find a a place welcoming and there for each other. I would do anything to have an agency and be out of here for good. ASAP. Anything!"

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"I did it all. My hope is dry and now I sleep all day and honestly lost purpose in life. Same spot for a year sleeping for more than 15 hours a day. Gene makes sure I eat and take my pills. I gave up on humanity and I'd like to go now. I cannot work with my anxiety, Gene feels that's a very bad idea right now, especially when I went into panic and stress a week ago. I hate my life and my body. I don't want it if I cannot put it to use."

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"Please help convince my mom to let me come home. I want a normal life, college and a job, and money I made so I can love myself again instead of going insane. She says she is scared of me but yet wont let me help her understand her daughter's mental illness. No I do not have feelings for Gene anymore. I just want out of this hellhole and back into the life I battled for my whole. Gene doesn't need this. We are two different people. He settle for less, I want bigger things. He is crying and I am crying and I just want my mom to finish raising me. (Reminder she was in her mid-20's at this point) I want to be high class more than anything and live alone and in love with myself."

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"Convince my mother to let me come home so she can finish raising me into adulthood and stops fearing my anxiety attacks! I want work not a fricken rotting trailer."

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"Please just don't talk to me unless you are willing to truly help me out by getting me into an agency or my three pieces of clothes are back on my body."

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"Sorry I asked for help no one shows up."

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"Fuck sake. I am stuck here. I'll never be out of this place. I'd do anything right now to be offered a better living and a career." (Except for actually looking or working for something better of course)

Then literally the next day:

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"Gene is home, cuddled and relaxed. Now out for a small morning ride to the trash disposal place. Beautiful out. One more week of Gene working out the house, then he will be back home and moods shall be a lot better. He's the sunshine I need to wake up to."

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Some interesting ones were her work prospects, modeling or otherwise. She was oddly specific about what jobs she would take for someone that needed the work so desperately.

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"I want a job but I don't know where to apply. Nothing like a big chain store. Small shops, even mall shops, stuff like that. Ideas Please. Even a stripper club if I can get beginner lessons. (this from her when she said that porn and sex work was degrading to women) I need help. Hiring or not, when I find the one I admire the most I don't stop pressing for it."

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"I am leaning towards Industrial Stripper, use the Industrial dance in goth video chats, but again, I need help! I am clueless! I nee job ideas and give me ideas of the places. I don't care if they are hiring or not. I want to know some jobs that will work great for my personality/Career Talents here. Plus people talk and I don't want to walk into a business where I am going to have to battle rumors. My Career Talents I Admire: 1.) Always cheerful and making sure the person I meet leaves happy, unless they catch me off-guard with my social anxiety crying, and they still leave happy. 2.) I love to dress up for my job, give me a uniform and I class it up to relaxing it down. 3.) I love music of all kinds and the style you play I am very sensitive to and will give similar vibes. 4.) I keep it private to keep my Work-Face. 5.) While in conversation I try to ask the customer about thing I discover with through listening or noticing items on them. I need a Job. I am ready. Work makes the woman in me. She is ready."

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"Since I am not pretty enough to be in an (modeling) agency, I told gene he's going to have to deal with my obsession of piercings. I will probably being doing most of these at home the old fashioned way with a safety pin and potato due to pieces, but hell, if I am truly not good enough for the an agency I am falling on Plan B and NO I WILL NOT BE A MODEL FOR PEOPLE. This is art for myself and I gave people chances. Which is sad because NOW we have a vehicle and would accept payments for gas and drive to large areas of exceptional photographers. "

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"I got a sick stomach and failed to my first application. At the mall now... God Help Me."

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"Having a panic attack at the mall, application collecting has my stomach in knots and stomach crying got relief. I cannot breathe."

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"I should have NEVER listed the places I wanted to work, some asshole probably had the balls to ruin this part of my life too. For Christ's Sake Gene is getting my not able to work anger, it's pissing me off people rather work against me rather than help me and work on life with Gene. Fuck the Maggot who wants to see me homeless. I will find you."

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"I cannot do this alone, I need someone to hold my hand until I become bolder and more understanding. ... I cannot handle stress while doing this. I removed myself from my family to get away from the center of these conflicts and yet my mom keeps calling the cops on me. ( I have no idea why, but I think it was a wellness check) I just want to be a model. I am really dedicated. I am a really super shy hermit with a bad phobia of human beings. I just don't want my dream of being this generations Marilyn Monroe to be taken for granted. Thus the struggles. please forgive me for hurting you through jealousy or behaviors that scare me. Its new and I can probably only understand what little I can get. Is not good for anybody."

Believe it or not, those are some of her more sensical ramblings. Most of her Facebook posts were more like a stream of consciousness insanity blog, just without the talent of Virginia Wolf, though I'm sure she felt it was because she superseded Ms. Wolf in the talent department. Again just going for a few of the 'greatest hits' and I am not taking any of these out of context, they really were just this erratic and had all the subtly of a two year old throwing themselves on the floor and failing like a landed flounder.

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"I wish I knew how to have a better financial life with the curses I was born with. Beauty is all I have and there is not a lot I can do with that."

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"Beauty, brains, and health. I rather exchange my beauty for health. No use having it if it cannot be used for fame. Like me waiting on Gene to cut his his hair, I am waiting to cut mine like my mom in the early 2000 and color it brown. People will lesser expectations of me and the jealousy of people not knowing me but by my looks will stop."

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"if you send me an invite or want to hang out please send a PM to Gene. I am awake an average of five hours a day and rarely get up after my dream of modeling has been destroyed. I don't need a 24 hour notice. I am ready to hang out with someone as soon as I get the word."

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"I haven't been invited to anything. Again. And I don't want to watch TV or play games. I missed the old fashioned fun and talking.

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"Take my threats seriously."

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"Oh, to those thinking I hide behind pills, I do, but that side of me is just surfacing the top lightly. Let us all learn what a true PTSD person is really capable of now that I don't have chemicals help balance out my mind. Get ready summer time, shits hitting the fan, I'll do things the only way I know how, and ungrateful people who can visit, help me out by understanding my dream in person and even practicing with me, really will have a surprise."

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"Are you proud you're making my life hard? People want me to recover but cannot pull together to help someone deeply hurt. FUCK YOU TOO. STAY SILENT, I HOPE MY DUTURE IS AS BAD AS YOU WANT IT SO YOU CAN SEE I CAN SHATTER MORE. I AM AVALIABLE TO DO THINGS IF PEOPLE HELP ME OUT BY WORKING TOGETHER, MODELING, JOB, ANYTHING. I want to model but people cannot seem to get, I am slow and Gene is my protection and comfort until I understand it better. Fuck everyone not helping me get into a side show too. I need a job. Get off your asses and help me!!!!!"

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"I am so fracken terrifying. Do not hangout with me. I am bad news. If you treat me like shit I will stand my ground. Oh nos, so bad! So, so naughty! and not talking things through to figure out motives should be the only option when dealing with me, I am not at all intelligent so just cast stones. Everybody believes beautiful people are illiterate selfish tow faced whores. Never give them a chance. They can handle it. The world gives it to them and they know how to use you for it. The most beautiful souls are the ones drowning beneath a frozen heart, that the bitter and ugly souls casted onto them through hate. Once we were gentle as a feather falling to the still glass-like top of the water. Now we just sink."

That is where, sadly, I unfriended her and haven't seen her Facebook profile in a while. And while I was going to end it there and type out my parting thoughts with my usual sparkling wit, which could never have held a candle to Lily's emo slam poetry I am sure, but my curiosity combined with maybe a streak of masochism, got the better of me and Lily's profile is public and I scrolled to my heart's content.

It would seem that Lily did learn something about using Facebook for virtual tantrums and melt downs and in recent years has kept to just spamming memes and the occasional post about bi-polar disorder. The mountains of madness have many little plateau of sanity it seems.

But old habits die hard and I saw she made a "call out" post about someone in the local metal and punk scene.

"Okay so I hate writing statuses like this. It really sucks when a good friend of ours comes to R in worry because some guy I was supposed to do a black metal project with decides to tell our close unnamed friend of ours that he is going to rape me. That if his wife wasn't in the other room, him and his friends were going to rape me at some party R and I went to previously. We have one witness who doesn't deserve the drama to come, so they will remain unnamed. We have a screen shot of the witness opening up about what he was told. This threat was made threeish years ago. I've been afraid since then. I literally missed out on band opportunities because I'm afraid this guy would be around. I'm not hiding anymore. Joke or no joke, it's not funny. I lost my virginity to rape when I was 14. I will never get that back. Jokes like this are harmful and should not even be thought."

The screen shot of this "confession" was the friend telling her boyfriend about a joke that was made at a party all of them were at. They were giggling about Lily being hot and how "If my girlfriend wasn't here we would be gang raping her right now."

Rape jokes are disgusting and the perpetual rape culture that such jokes continue is one thing she got right in all of that. Given Lily's history, I am dubious about it being a sincere threat against her and a guy just being a prick. But the real stinger in it all is that when she was 14 is when I told her and her mom my story about the way I lost my virginity. I guess in the end I did make an impression on her after all.

I can't really feel anything other than the need to roll my eyes at it all now. Lily has truly talked herself into many of her issues, even if one of her so-called traumas is in reality mine, all I can see is that teenager that was trying so very desperately to be loved and accepted and feel like she belonged somewhere. Its what anyone really wants as a human being. But stunted as her emotional growth was combined with her lack of self-reflection and awareness has kept her in her perpetual teenage mindset; Lily is just a child that has gotten old and a child has no desire to try and live better and change. What doesn't live can't change, and what doesn't change can't learn.

The Queen of Foxes will ever be lesson in living.