Hi. I'm new to Mondo/shockumentary mix tapes and related extreme content. I'm not going to reveal my age but let's just say I'm still in school. Recently I've been having a lot of trouble with sleep on weekdays and I frequently find myself up at the late hours of the night on my laptop, usually on YouTube, Reddit, etc. When I discovered this type of content about a month ago I was hooked into the history of these films, their origins, creators, etc. Of course the first film I stumbled upon and read the most about was MDPOPE since that's the mixtape with the most mainstream hype from what I've seen. I saw people on many different forums talking along the lines of "Yo where can I get a link to watch?" and "What's in these MDPOPE films?" I've always been one for taking risks and watching horror movies and such, but never looked into this category. I was really thinking "How bad could it be?" It wasn't very hard to find these films for free online, so if I wanted to watch it I could go right ahead. I saw MDPOPE II was slightly over 3 hours long, and I thought about it for some time but never bothered for a month or so. About a week ago, I'd say last Thursday, Apr 11th. I woke up before school around 1am due to a poor sleep cycle. And I really didn't have much to do and I had time on my hands, and I certainly wasn't about to try and sleep. So I just thought to myself "Fuck it" and pulled up MDPOPE II on Internet Archive. I sat there for 3 fucking hours with my eyes wide open, feeling a mix of emotions as I was exposed to every sort of disgusting and horrifying clip for 3 hours. I did feel sick at certain parts, especially during the scat and animal scenes. But I never threw up, though it came close. I finished around 4:30am and felt horrible, while I was watching I was definitely grossed out but only after did I actually recall what I saw and regretted every decision I made to keep going within the past 3 hours. During school that day, I was teary-eyed, and found it hard to talk to others after all the shit I watched. I was zoning out in class, I was asked if I needed to go to the bathroom multiple times, and I was a mess that day. I don't plan to revisit any of these films any time soon but I can't erase anything from my memory no matter what I've tried. The nightmares also haven't been helping. So if anyone here has some serious advice for me let me know, aside from calling me retarded. And there is no way in hell I'm telling anyone I know irl about this. I know I made a bad decision.