My oldest daughter is almost 4, her bio dad has made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me, my pregnancy or the baby from the time I found out. Got mad when I backed out of adoption, but offered me child support and has always paid.

My husband and I met when she was 1 1/2 yo, and he’s the only father she’s known, he’s DAD. She doesn’t even know she has another dad.

Back in June, he wanted to meet up to have some closure, and things ended up going the direction at the end of “maybe possibly thinking about considering coming around”. He doesn’t want to stop having fun being free and whatnot but he would think about it. I told him that if he saw himself EVER coming around at any point in the future, to start now when she’s little, not showing up when she’s 13 years old and fucking her up mentally and emotionally. Which is fine he wants to still have his freedom, whatever. When I texted him weeks later asking about a decision, he just got hostile with me (the usual, just flies off the handle once he gets a little bit inconvenienced and I’m nothing but polite to absolve myself of the guilt). My husband and I are 100% open to him being involved, and okay with even letting her have contact with him down the road if she expresses a desire, but it would be her decision and control.

I had my first consultation with a lawyer and we’re going to hire him. I’m just having so much anxiety about him not relinquishing his parental rights, being difficult but also not wanting to actually be involved because he’s not ready and wants to fuck around.

The lawyer said it’s not probable that the court would see fit to involuntarily terminate his rights because he’s current on child support. I just want to protect her from an abandonment and rejection complex because I don’t want her to have to deal with “daddy issues”, and just generally have to suffer when I could do something to prevent that.

Does anyone have any successful stepparent adoption experiences with situations similar to this?