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I have two children a 4 year old boy, and a 2 month actual 1 month adjusted boy, Things have been kind of tough these past few months, which is reasonable. My 4 year old, A, has been pretty good about being a big brother and hasn't shown any issues too much, he does though have some behavioral issues that I've been dealing with for some time now that have increased a bit because of bringing home the baby because the focus isn't always on him now.
I've recently realized something that would help him would be to introduce a structured routine, his father (24 m) and I (24f) haven't had a routine for ourselves for quite some time, before we had A so of course we haven't had a routine for A ever. I would like to start one and I know the general set up of what I need to do, but I don't want to set expectations too high to a point he couldn't possibly achieve them.
I know I need to have visuals where he can see them, rewards and positive reinforcement, consistency everywhere he is, along with age appropriate rules and punishments. The area I'm falling short in is what would be age appropriate rules and punishments. I really want to do this for a few reasons one, I think after a while, I know this won't take with him immediately and there's gonna be a lot of push back from him until he gets used to it, his behaviors will improve. He doesn't listen to his father and I ever, he talks back constantly, sometimes he'll go out of his way to do the exact opposite of what we've asked of him. He is rough with our family cat, it's gotten a little better, but only because she's started hissing at him and avoiding him when she sees him being hyper. He also would rather go hungry than eat "real food", he will demand snacks for hours before he'll eventually cave and have some food with a little more sustenance, and less sugar. If he doesn't get his way he makes sure we know how upset he is, he doesn't kick and scream and cry like a typical tantrum, instead he'll hit himself scratch at his eyes, pull his hair, and yell. I don't know where he learned this behavior as his father and I don't do those kinds of things ourselves.
Also he will be starting school next year and if we don't introduce a structure for him know we will have problems with him at school were there's structure every day.
I'm hoping I can get some advice on what has worked for others, how you implemented these rules, and what kind of consequences you used when these rules weren't followed. Also I'm looking for advice/ examples on what types of behaviors where you yourself implemented the whole pick your battles type of deal. His father and I are at our wits end with him and I know it's partly because of our loosey goosey relaxed environment where you eat when you want, wake up when you want, go to bed etc. Thank you in advance
That is really good advice thank you, I think our biggest things weād like to conquer is the not listening and his inability to pay attention to his surroundings, heāll get on this bout of super spastic energy which I understand heās 4 and has way more energy then I could ever imagine having especially now, heāll trip over things that havenāt moved since weāve lived in our house like the coffee table or his fathers desk chair and just his general surroundings. It gets tiring to constantly try and get him to be aware that other things exist in his surroundings so he doesnāt get hurt. I also understand that kids will be kids and they get hurt but it seems like itās a constant battle that I deal with everyday. Heāll trip over the same things multiple times a day everyday.
How would you suggest we went about getting him to just be slightly more aware of his surroundings
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I will definitely look into the proprioception and games to help with his awareness and balance cause Iām not lying about being at my wits end I have my own emotional regulation skills Iām working on and utilizing but they only work for so long.
He gets lots of exercise he doesnāt play outside every single day but almost everyday sometimes I just need an inside lazy day and we live too close to a busy road to allow him outside without someone watching him. Also his grandfather will take him outside on the days he has him and theyāll be outside all day working in the garage/ shop thing and running around with water guns or nerf guns etc. we also live around several families that have children close to his age that he gets to run around with frequently. I donāt notice too much of a difference between days outside and lazy inside days. Itās like he has an endless stream of energy. It actually affects his sleep to a degree even. The one thing weāve been consistent on is his bedtime which is 9:30 and there will be times he doesnāt fall asleep until midnight-1
I also have been thinking adhd and actually just got him on a wait list to be screened for it, unfortunately their waitlist goes out 2 years so I have to find another place that offers the screening that can get him in sooner, Iāve also got his patient chart made already for āfamily therapyā regardless if he is diagnosed adhd or not, so that his father and I can learn better ways to approach him and and best ways to react accordingly and just overall be better and healthier in how we handle him.
Other things that have lead me to suspect this is he canāt focus on any one thing for any period of time. He also has to run everywhere he goes. I have never actually seen this kid walk anywhere and heās almost always in full sprint mode. And Iām sure that is part of the reason for running into and tripping over the same stuff all day everyday. I have tried so hard to get him to understand running is for outside not inside but itās a concept he just doesnāt grasp