Things worked out differently than expected this year. I was looking forward to Christmas for once. I was going to spend Christmas with my bf and his family. Last year we were with mine. They were all on their best behaviour, so it was OK at best. His family is lovely and relaxed, so I was actually looking forward to this. I hate Christmas, and I've worked 10 years on Christmas eve to not be with my own family.

Things have been rocky lately with bf and me. He moved out a few days ago. I'm heartbroken, but it's for the best. I've worked so hard the last few years to create my own little bobble of people and traditions I want to do, not just the obligations I have to be a part of. Now, I'm on square one again.

I have emailed a volunteer group asking if they need someone. I'd like to work on a soup kitchen for the homeless or something. To be useful. They do have a Christmas party for the people who have none. But I hate Christmas, and all I'll probably be thinking is how nice this is and I wish I could do this with people I care about or even know. I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with that now. So, I'll probably offer myself up as a free driver to those attending. And then read a book by myself at home in the meantime listening to Joni Mitchell.

I'm going to my parents hometown this weekend to deliver Christmas presents. Rather that then they coming to mine town. Then I can leave when I want and see some friends. I'm not going to tell them that I'm single. I wished I had someone I could be honest with.