TW: self harm mentioned

Hi moms, dads, and siblings,

TLDR: just tell me everything is going to be okay.

I go for my first therapy session with my new therapist on Monday. I’ve had a few sessions before with others but they were specialized in one specific thing and couldn’t help me with my overall problems. This one can. My old brother goes to her as does his wife so I know she is good. She sounds nice anyway. She has a good background and credentials for problems way worse than mine…

I’m just…scared. Like what if they can’t help me and im just wasting everyone’s time by gushing out my problems and being told “I can’t help you”. I already have issues thinking my problems are “no big deal” and that I should just suck it up, you know? I’m used to putting on my bubbly performance for everyone so no need to change anything right? Fake it til you make it…which is what I’ve been doing. My brother finally convinced me to go when he noticed I was self harming again (please don’t call me stupid for doing it or crying for attention. I don’t want attention for it which is why I tried to hide it). I’m not in any danger to kill myself, because if I wanted to I’d just stop taking my chemo meds…but I’m still fighting against that so I guess I want to live.

I don’t know mom, I’m scared and alone and just want to be normal or something. I wish I could have a mom hug, I really do. I feel stupid for making this post now. I’m sorry for carrying on so much. I’ll put a tldr at the top so no one has to actually read this.