TLDR: Mom has no plan for income after her retirement runs out in 2yrs aside from social security. My brother and sister are completely useless as supports so this problem will fall to me. She lives several states away from me and other family. I don't know how to talk to her about it or what I should do.

My family is quite dysfunctional and also very small. My mom had 3 siblings, one has passed away and the other two live several states from her. Neither is married, neither has children. My mom is divorced since I was a small child. My dad was a deadbeat dad. My mom had three children and we grew up with an abusive stepdad and a generally dysfunctional home. My relationship with my mom over the years has been complicated and I've gone no contact a handful of times. My sister has mental health issues and my brother has substance abuse issues and cycles in and out of jail and prison. My sister is disabled and collects social security due to her mental health struggles and also chronic pain from back and neck problems. She lives in a very rural area in the southwest. She and my brother both primarily live off of my mom financially.

If I were to describe the family dynamic my brother is number one golden child who is 100% enabled to be a fuck up. My sister isn't a golden child as much, but she does get everything she demands (including my mother buying her a home and property) by essentially verbally abusing my mother until she gets it. I haven't had any contact with my sister in over 3 years because she is so abusive. I'm the stereotypical middle child-- mostly ignored-- but no drug problems, no mental health issues, college educated, living independently.

Recently, my mom told me that she will run out of her retirement money in less than two years. She didn't go into detail about how this happened but I know she took money out of her retirement to buy my brother cars (which he immediately wrecked or got impounded) that he never paid her back for, though she was adamant that he would. I know she bought her current house with cash, so my assumption is that she paid for it with retirement money. I'm sure there are other things she isn't telling me.

Throughout my life I've basically received almost nothing from my family in terms of encouragement, emotional support, or financial support. I worked as soon as I was old enough to have a work permit and from that point forward supplied myself with clothes, bathroom supplies, gas money, insurance, food, etc. My first car was purchased with an insurance settlement from when I was in 7th grade. It wasn't a lot. I put myself through college and lived on my own. My mom opened me a bank account when I was a kid but then when I got older I realized that she was taking money out of it. Since I was a minor I couldn't open a bank account she wouldn't have access to, so my friend who was 18 opened one for me so my money would be safe. My adult years have been a struggle to have a relationship with any of my family and I've tried to build one, but eventually something happens and I realize that the circus that is my family is more damaging than helpful and I stop putting effort into it. I guess what I'm trying to illustrate here is that I've largely been independent of them since I was in high school and I've never really received much support of any kind from my family. In recent years I've noticed my mom trying a little harder and she has been emotionally supportive a few times but I am still not close with her.

I've been kinda freaking out about what is going to happen to her once her retirement money runs out. Currently, she's pretty healthy but at her age that can change quickly. Having a paid off house is a great thing for her that adds a lot of security to her future but the problem is that she has no social supports at all if she stays there. My brother is currently living with her but he's completely unreliable and disappears for days on end when he's getting high. He could also land in jail at any time because he frequently has warrants and is perpetually on probation. My sister is also completely unreliable and quite frankly, extremely unpleasant to be around so that won't work either.

The place my mom lives is a small town in a red state. It doesn't have good programs and public agencies for older people. Public transportation is also limited or non-existant and places to get supplies can be cities away. It's not a great place for her to grow old and have a network around her for support. I feel like I am watching a train go off the tracks in slow motion. This won't end well. I want her to move closer to me so that I can at least check up on her or easily stay with her if needed. Considering her finances though I'm unsure how to go about this without putting myself in a risky financial situation, like helping her buy a house or partnering with her in some sort of small business. She will always give my brother gobs of money and she will never tell my sister to solve her own problems. I wouldn't be able to live with her because she would never respect my boundary of neither sibling being welcome in my house.

I feel like Etrayu trying to convince his horse to pull itself out of the swamp of sadness. At the same time, I don't know how to turn my back on this mess and not feel extreme guilt as I watch her struggle and suffer. I wouldn't be able to do that and figuring out what to do at that point will be much more difficult. I really don't know what to do.

EDIT: just got home and saw all of these responses. Thank you for your kindness and compassion. You don’t have to worry that I will ever, EVER support my siblings. Even if I could financially I don’t want anything to do with either of them. I also know with certainty that anything I give to my mom will go right into their pockets. So I won’t. Ever. The main problem for me is watching it happen. It’s going to hurt like hell to see it go down. I’m in therapy already but I haven’t brought up my family dynamic just yet. It hasn’t come up because I’ve been working on myself, building myself up, giving myself the praise and encouragement I literally never heard from my family. All the good things for myself first :) Thank you again, you gave me lots to think over and I appreciate the hugs. ❤️❤️