I just got back to my parents house after my university semester a week ago. I didn't want to come home, I wanted to stay at my school, and find a job there, and maybe take a summer class, but my mom begged and pleaded with me to come home, and I let you gaslight me into believing that maybe this time, I'd come home to any semblance of support.

But instead, everyday has been constant complaining from her that I don't have a job here yet. She keeps talking about how it's the easiest to get a job that it's ever been and that I'm just lazy. But that's not true... I'm not lazy, I'm taking care of myself nearly the first time in my life.

I refuse to work a job where I'm put into retail or customer service at a big store again. I already did that, and it shattered by mental health. I refuse to go i to another job where I can't go two shifts without breaking down in the bathroom, or in my car during my lunch break, because I'm working the workload of 2 people, can't sit down, and have to deal with a manager who's similarly stressed. I have too much self-respect for that now. I was finally able to start healing the near decade of deep depression, anxiety, self-hatred and more that I have this school year, and I've been home a week, and I already feel myself returning to the shell of a human being that is the only way that I can stay alive. I wanted to spend my summer working part time, and continue building the friendships that I'm started to let myself make and continue getting better mentally, but now I'm in a place where I have no friends.

She doesn't know how fucking much it hurt to hear her say, "wow, it's really nice here during the summer, why didn't you stay here?" When she picked me up i from uni after spending over a month pleading for me to come to their house during the summer, and gaslighting me further into coming. Now, just a week in, she has the audacity to come into my room and yell at me about how I'm a lazy bitch who needs to get off her ass and stop feeling sorry about herself and just find a job already or I can start thinking about how I'm going to support myself alone.... I'm trying to find a job, but I'm just finding a job that will treat me properly, and a job that I can go to without each shift sinking me deeper back towards the worst I've ever been depression wise. I just wish instead of yelling and threatening to kick me out, she'd support this and give me the first hug she'd have given me since I got back to her house.