We, and SHE, only found out she had cancer two weeks ago. She let it go and let it go until her breast had been entirely eaten away. She had been having trouble breathing, so my uncle finally clued in to what was going on, and made her get checked. It was stage four breast cancer. Last night, she died. My uncle called the squad and performed cpr, they took her to the hospital and put her on a ventilator, so her sons could get here and say goodbye. My mom just walked in crying and told me they're taking her off the ventilator.

If you go back to December in my post history, you'd see that I really fucked up and I posted something on Facebook in anger at them, for having covid and trying to get my mom to come meet their puppies, and I forgot to private it. I already hadn't spoken to them in months at that point. I mailed them a letter and apologized, and explained that I had been angry because I was terrified my mom would get covid, and they just exacerbated that fear.

We never spoke again.

I'm doing okay, though. My guilt and sadness can be compartmentalized until this is settled down and I can deal with it privately. I'm more worried about my mom, and I'm VERY worried about my uncle. They've been married for 25 years. He's never been an adult on his own, basically.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful when I ask you this, Mom, but please don't post platitudes about how she's in a better place or not hurting anymore. I know she is, I really do know that in my heart. But we're left here, raw and emotional, and I appreciate the love behind those platitudes so much...but when it's raw like this, for some reason, they feel like a wire brush on new skin.

Also if you could please stroke my hair and talk to me about my own personal situation with her...God I need that right now. My irl mom has never once been a "lay your head in my lap, child" kind of woman, and I really, really need that right now.

I love you, Mom. Please, please. Stay on top of mammograms and self checks... Don't wait.