I haven’t spoken to my mom in almost two years because it was a boundary I needed to have. I actually never planned on speaking to my mom again, it just wasn’t possible to have a healthy relationship with her. She died a little over a week ago, it took the police officers a while to find next of kin, that’s why I just found out today.

I’m am shocked to realize that more than anything I feel a lot of sadness for her. She was miserable and suffering, and while I don’t regret cutting contact with her, I feel sad that she was so alone. I hope she is no longer suffering. I hope she is in a good place. I hope the way she was, was solely due to mental illness and her own trauma and not that she actually was a mean person.

In a way I feel like her early death may be a blessing for her because things never seemed to get better for her, honestly they only seemed to get worse. She couldn’t take care of herself.

It’s an odd feeling. Even though I didn’t plan on having a relationship with her in the future, it feels weird to now know I literally don’t have a mom anymore.

I just really hope she is okay and can finally find happiness and peace.