When I was very young I was sexually abused by a family friend, this happened many times (years) and only ended when my parents caught him in the act. Thankfully he was able to be convicted. However this situation lead to me being hypersexual. Combined with hitting puberty young I started having sex earlier than most.

The event that I'm referring to happened when I was 13, so trigger warning for discussion of sexual abuse at that age. When I was younger I had more than a few "consensual" experiences with adults. I put consensual in quotes because I wanted it, but I was obviously too young, so it wasn't entirely consensual.

The event that sticks with me the most however was the first one of these "consensual" experiences. It was the summer I turned 13, I was babysitting this young girl whose mother had unfortunately passed earlier that year. The father used to drive me home after, but this night he had a few beers, not enough to be drunk, but enough that he shouldn't drive. I was going to call my parents to pick me up, but he assured me I could stay until he sobered up and he'd compensate me for this time. I'll skip the details, but we talked for a while and this is where he asked if I wanted to touch him. I gave him a handjob, a blowjob, and eventually he brought me upstairs to have sex. This happened a few different nights.

Now, at the time, this was entirely consensual, I wanted it, and liked what happened, but it wasn't until I was a few years older that I actually started to think about this from a more mature perspective. From being abused against my will when I was young, it was difficult for me to understand that even though I wanted this, it was wrong. I had difficulty coming to terms with the fact that even though i said yes, i was only 13 and this made it abuse. Then I started to feel guilty for not telling anyone. I started to think that it was unlikely I was the only one he abused. He probably at the very least tried this with other babysitters. I felt guilty because if I reported it, I could have stopped that. He had a young daughter, and no one else at home to notice if he did things to her. I started to feel guilty leaving the young girl I babysat to live with that monster. She'd be around the age this happened to me now. I keep thinking what if he's abusing her as i type this and it's only happening because I'm too scared to do anything. I know it probably wouldn't do much, it was 6 years ago and I have zero evidence it happened besides my own experience, which I can't prove. I don't know, sorry for this long rant, I'm not sure if I'm even making sense.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I made this mostly as a vent, but idk. If you're not comfortable leaving a comment, you can private message.