This is my first time in this page. So I don't know what to say ,but um when I was 7 to about 12 or 13 I was molested by my older cousin. I don't remember much about those years ,but that's the gist. Anyway, I recently was assaulted and now I feel like I'm dead inside. I feel like I'm pushing everyone away and I'm hurting everyone and I feel like no one is hearing me. I don't mean to hurt them I'm so sorry. I can't help it. I feel like everyone is annoyed by me and every little thing any minor inconvenience I want to do something bad to myself. I mean I would never go there ,but I have the thoughts OFTEN. A little too often. And the nightmares I didn't even know I remembered being molested. For the longest time I thought I made it up and these night terrors we're just something that I dream about like a sociopath. I don't know what to do how do I stop feeling like this. I don't want to be admitted but I'm alone too often and I don't have family and I'm pretty sure I'm bumming out my friends. Please I need some advice. I'm 21 btw.