When I was 13 I was abused by the dad of this girl I babysat. After his daughter was asleep and he came home, him and I would have sex. He never forced himself on me, or did anything to make me do it. I wanted it. I wanted to be abused by him. That opened the flood gate of letting myself be abused by many older guys throughout my teens. Only ending when covid hit when I was 16.

After one night, he never called me to babysit again, and I haven't seen him since. It's been 6 years. Well until yesterday. I saw him on a "dating" app. My body froze. One way I cope with my trauma is by sexualizing it. And this is why I'm weak. My brain stopped, but my vagina didn't. I "swiped right" on him. On the man that abused me. Who caused so much of my life to be fucked up. I'll never recover. But I did it. I wanted him again. I closed the app and haven't opened it since. I haven't look to see if he messaged me or anything, but I don't have the will to stop this.

I'm sorry