At 10:48am today the plane carrying New Zealand Prime Minister BestinBounds mysteriously disappeared in the skies of Samoa today as it approached Faleolo airport. PM BestinBounds was rumoured to be on his way to ease tensions in his parents home nation of Samoa after the unjust, undemocratic farce of an election led to Tongan sympathiser, puppy killer, traitor to the state,and all-round bad person Fiame Naomi Mataafa seizing power.

It has been alleged known terrorist group FAST (Fa'atuatua i le Atua Samoa ua Tasi) was behind the disappearance, with one "witness" noting that FAST had set up a guerilla training camp in the area recently. Before leaving BestinBounds reportedly told journalists "Its time for the democratic experiment in Samoa to end", that "by sunset, we will be rolling New Zealand tanks down Apia's main road" and "I'm going to order 66 that bitch fiame", we could not verify the veracity of these comments but they were probably true.

The disappearance and likely death of BestinBounds adds another name to the list of victims of the FAST reign of terror, joining the likes of common sense, foreign investment and the judiciary's independence.

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Juan Four, journalist for the Country Courier