There has been an attack on Hamilton. I am absolutely pleased to hear that some foreign attacker -- presumably a Chinaman- is contributing to the destruction of the shithole they call Hamilton. However, this poses a grave threat to non-Hamiltonian cities in New Zealand. While the events that have occured bring me great joy, we must act before Chairman Mao destroys something of actual value.

I suggest killing two birds with one stone. In order to demonstrate zero tolerance against the CCP, we shall launch a nuclear bombing campaign on the city of Hamilton. This will stamp out any communists in the city, for national security purposes, while also eradicating the other slack-jawed cousin fuckers who reside in Hamilton.

But you may ask, how do we rain nuclear hellfire on the Waikato without a nuclear fleet? We can appeal to our many allies. To the UK, we can offer them some trade deal, they're desperate surely. To our friends in Israel, we can surely find some Muslims for the IDF to use as practice? For the United States, we can coerce the mayor of Hamilton into suggesting the President has a small penis and work from there.

I am calling upon Prime Minister Winston Wilhelmus, and Defence Minister RMSteve, to urgently begin lobbying for the destruction of Hamilton for our safety.