after a tense night, especially for the hungry media, the Green Party leadership calls a press conference at Jeanette’s farm

“Kia ora, good evening. It is no surprise to anyone in this room or in this country that we certainly did not want to see another term of this disastrous Liberal-National government. But the country voted for a wildcard, and that’s exactly what they got. What is surprising is to see the continuation of ACT and New Zealand First, sworn enemies for more than two decades, form this new government. And I do call it a new government, because this government will be radically different than the last. Because this government won’t be led by the Liberals, and it definitely won’t be led by National- has anyone seen them? As we saw in our attempted negotiations with the kingmakers, it’ll be led by Reform.” announces imnofox.

“Despite not being in government, it was clear from the election results that any reach for the Beehive would be difficult and tenuous. But we negotiated fully in good faith, with the view that a progressive coalition could be possible. I make no apology for refusing to sacrifice our principles- in fact, I am proud of that. That’s what separates the Green Party from the other mainstream political parties. Our kaupapa commits us to putting te Tiriti o Waitangi at the heart of all our decisions. Our kaupapa commits us to social justice. It commits us to environmental sustainability. Non-violence, and appropriate decision making. It is these 5 key points of the Green kaupapa that we will see not one of from this government, and such would have struggled to see from a Green-led coalition with Reform.” states AnswerMeNow1.

“The reality is, this is the strongest opposition since the introduction of MMP, and we look forward to holding this government to account. It shouldn’t be too hard. This three headed dog, devoid of principles and unity, will be no more sensible or stable than the last Liberal-led government. I do not expect the National Party to have much love for either of their coalition partners, effectively shunted into becoming the rump of the Liberals as Reform takes charge. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a National Party leadership challenge in the upcoming term, though the Right Honourable Ninjjadragon ought to do the honourable thing and resign before National’s knives come out. In contrast to the three-headed marriage of convenience, the Green Party will present a strong, cohesive, opposition, patiently standing up for the rights and needs of New Zealanders whilst waiting to take the reins when Frankenstein’s government inevitably falls apart.” declares imnofox.

“This is not a concession speech. This is a rallying speech of resistance. New Zealanders now see that there is only one party that stands up for them, and that party is the Green Party. Thank you, we’ll now be taking questions.” finishes AnswerMeNow1.

”Do either of you intend to step down as leader?” asks Jessica Mutch, ONE News

“Of course not. This is the strongest opposition since the introduction of MMP, and one of the best election results the Green Party has ever had, with a record number of electorates won to complement it. We’re focussed on holding this government to account. Our only failure is sticking to our principles, if you can even call that a failure. The Liberals clearly succeeded in that regard.” retorts imnofox.

”Was any attempt made at a ‘teal deal’” questions Mike Hosking, Newstalk ZB

“We reached out to the National Party, who chose not to participate in negotiations. They’d have had much more influence with Reform out of the way, and at least one National MP expressed that to be preferential, but I guess one big electorate can change a lot.” replies /u/AnswerMeNow1

”You won the most seats, what right does the Liberal Party have to form government?” snaps Duncan Garner, AM Show

“Now, now, Duncan- we both know that’s not how MMP works. You’d have thought after so long you’d have understood it.” laughs Jeanette from a nearby bench, consoling the ghost of Rod Donald.

“That’s all the time we’ve got for questions right now, as myself and my caucus are ready to go swim in the Kauaeranga River over there, just behind that stile. Thanks for your time.” finishes imnofox.