imnofox and UncookedMeatloaf stand in front of a Green Party banner in the Legislative Council room, surrounded by press and other media. Much to the bewilderment of the political class, a giant cake is sitting just to the left of the lectern.

“Ngā mihi nui ki a koutou, kia ora, tena koutou, tena koutou, tena tatou katoa. Welcome to everyone, and thank you all for being here today.” says imnofox.

“Now, I’ll be the first to admit the election result wasn’t the result we were hoping for. We fought a strong campaign with a positive record, but the opposition managed to edge through in the end. For that, we are sorry, and I only have myself to blame. But with a radical right-wing government hell bent on slashing taxes for the rich, selling off our state assets, cutting support to our most vulnerable, and entering us into to trade deals that will hinder our sovereignty both for Māori and governments to come, we cannot sit around dwelling on the past.” states imnofox.

“This government needs a strong opposition, ready to fight against neoliberalism and austerity as envisioned by the right. We need an opposition to fight against the erosion of our government’s sovereignty and the sovereignty of tangata whenua as this new government enters disastrous trade deals that have little to do with ‘trade’. We need an opposition who has a consistent record of proudly and unwaveringly standing up for New Zealand’s most vulnerable kiwis.” says UncookedMeatloaf.

“I am more than pumped to be announcing the 3rd Official Opposition of New Zealand today. I am proud to be announcing an opposition that is ready and eager to stand strong against the radical agenda of the right, and will stand firmly on the opposition benches as the government in waiting, ready to take the helm as soon as this weak and wobbly coalition falls apart.” announces imnofox.

“This is an historic day for the Green Party. Last term, it was the first time ever that the Green Party led a government in New Zealand, and we are proud of what we achieved there with the support of the Labour Party. Today, it will be the first time that the Green Party leads the Official Opposition of the New Zealand Parliament.” states UncookedMeatloaf.

“But before we make any further announcement, I’d like to take this opportunity to express our acknowledgements and congratulations. I’d like to acknowledge the Green MPs who were not re-elected, /u/trevism, /u/jacksazzy, and /u/emass100. Thank you for the excellent mahi and hard work you put in over the last term. I’d like to thank our many candidates this election, who helped run a strong campaign against the right. Thank you for getting us here. I’d like to congratulate /u/ARichTeaBiscuit, who ran a strong campaign, unseating the Labour leader, and is now joining the Greens caucus in parliament. She is a strong activist with a huge heart, and I look forward to the work we will do together. And last of all, I’d like to acknowledge Alpine-, who served us amazingly over the last term as Speaker, and has helped deliver this new opposition coalition. Thank you, and congratulations, to all.” shares imnofox.

“Now, I am proud to announce the official opposition of the 3rd New Zealand parliament. An opposition who will strongly and unapologetically hold this unstable government to account. Today, the Green Party will be joined in opposition by…” starts imnofox.

An aide carries a large plastic knife prop up to the cake. imnofox grabs the large prop knife, and begins to cut open the large cake.

Suddenly, /u/AnswerMeNow1, leader of the Māori Party, bursts out of the large cake, doing a pūkana. The journalists laughed and cheered!

“I am proud to announce we will be forming the official opposition with our comrades in the Māori Party. Together, with our shared goals of ending poverty, protecting our environment, and fighting for mana Māori motuhake, we will be a force to be reckoned with!” says UncookedMeatloaf.

“It is sad the Labour Party was not able to join us, as we very much welcomed them to join us. We have different views about the roles our parties should play within the political structure of this parliament. Their positions are their own, and we will respect that.” says imnofox.

“Holding the greatest number of seats in opposition, the Green Party will follow on from the last term with myself as Leader of the Opposition, with Uncooked here continuing as Deputy Leader of the Opposition alongside AnswerMeNow1 who will join him as Co-DLOTO.” says imnofox.

“I will continue to hold the Business and Social Development portfolios, and I look forward to holding the government to account as they strip workers of their rights and cut the support to our most vulnerable. Further, I will picking up the new Primary Industries portfolio, which was previously part of Business, and I am looking forward to pushing the government to transitioning to a more sustainable agriculture sector.” announces imnofox.

“I will continue to hold the Environment portfolio, representing our vulnerable and sacred environment, ensuring the protection of it against this government and thei exploitative economic agenda. I will also be picking up the Finance portfolio, and am ready and enthused to shadowing /u/ToastInRussian in that role, standing up against ACT and National’s dangerous austerity and financial irresponsibility.” states UncookedMeatloaf.

“Goatshed will be assuming the roles of Infrastructure, Regions, and Defence- vital areas of government at risk under this government. Our newest MP, ARichTeaBiscuit, will be representing teachers and defending the education sector as Shadow Minister for Education, and will stand up against the government as Shadow Minister for Foreign Affairs.” announces imnofox.

“And, our coalition partners in the Māori Party will be obviously holding the Māori Affairs portfolio. The Māori Party will also hold the Justice portfolio, to fight against the great systemic biases and racism in our justice system that need urgent repair. They will also hold the Health portfolio, to better health outcomes for all New Zealanders and to hold the government to account on the huge disparities in health outcomes for Māori and Pasifika communities. Further, the Māori Party will also hold the Culture portfolio, to help pressure the government in greater investment in te aor Māori and to fight for greater Māori language television. JacolManuki will also hold the Internal Affairs portfolio.” says UncookedMeatloaf.

“I look forward to leading this strong and united opposition over the next term, and look forward to continuing the figh for equity, fairness, and respect across New Zealand, whether for the people or the planet. Kia ora” ends imnofox.