Interviewer, whose name is Mark Miller: Hey Yoda. Thanks for joining us.

Yoda: Happy to, mate. Glad to be here really. Let's have a cracker of an interview, aye?

Mark: Sure. So, let's talk about the Alliance.

Yoda: Death to them! They are taking New Zealand down the brutal road of communism, which will result in millions of deaths. In fact, you may as well call the Twin Islands the Twin Graveyards by the time they're done. If you want a Twin Islands with mass famine, murder on the streets, and violent gangs of communist thugs running around to kick small business owners in the ribs and beat them up with lead pipes, then sure, give your vote to the Alliance. God.

You know the thing about Alliance is that they're just so focused on talking about these ludicrous niche issues. They talk about the rights of nonbinary people to walk their pet ferret in the dog park. I mean, come on. Who cares? We've got a situation right now, in this country, that content is stuck behind a paywall -- which is where you have to spend real, actual money, just to access this content. What's all that about? Why do we give money to these institutions who then hide content from Kiwi battlers? If you want access to that content, by god, you should get it.

Mark: So why should people vote Pirate?

Yoda: Because we care about real issues! Not these fake issues that Alliance are trying to campaign on. We are going to end regional blackspots, and you bet the Alliance aren't going to end regional blackspots. Nope, only we will be doing that. They won't. They never will. That's just how it is.

If you want your 5G to work everywhere, well, vote Pirate.

Mark begins to speak, but Yoda cuts him off.

Yoda: While I'm on the subject of 5G, let's talk about who gave us that. It was the wonderful company Huawei from China. Thanks to them, the world can experience super-fast internet no matter where you are. The speeds of data transfer, I mean, come on, it's something to BEHOLD! I absolutely love to see it. When I'm out and about and my phone has that little 5G icon, a big smile spreads across my face. That's what we want all Kiwis to be able to experience. That big feeling of warmth inside when you have your 5G icon on, and the internet is super fast no matter where you are. Only Pirate can make it happen.

Mark: Wow. You've got my vote.