On a bustling spring morning, Yoda stood atop a mountain, in deep reflection. Hmmm. The world must be considered. Yoda must consider the world, as it considers her in turn. Much to consider.

Then appeared the Lord our God, who looked frighteningly similar to a goth chick from Dunedin, and She spoke to Yoda.

"Yoda!" She said. "You must beware! The Alliance have come to the Twin Islands -- which is what you call New Zealand -- in order to stir up anti-China hysteria and destroy our Kiwi way of life. It's up to you to stop them!"

"But, my Lord, I am only one woman? How can I do it?"

"You must join the Pirate Party. There, you will find like-minded Kiwi battlers who are ready to take up the sword against the people of Alliance. Remember, there have even been reports in the media that stipulate something like 75% of the Alliance caucus are pedophiles. I stress that I'm not certain on those figures, but if even a fraction of that is true, the party is unfit for government."

And Yoda fell and tore her clothes. She screamed at the task ahead of her. "My Lord! Why must you give me this task? The Alliance are a monolith that have enslaved countless Kiwis to their blind ideology. One woman cannot defeat them!"

The Lord admonished Yoda. "Listen! Do you not hear? It is not one woman alone, but a party of Kiwi battlers dedicated to preserving the people of New Zealand and their culture. And also, my chosen people -- the Chinese -- must be protected from anti-China hysteria. The great crusader model-putrid shall be your guide, for she is my chosen warrior on Earth, just as the Archangel is my chosen in Heaven."

So Yoda fell on her face and begged, "oh Lord, forgive my insolence, forgive that I did not listen! I shall join now, I shall join the Pirates and bring the flaming sword of the Lord down upon the (alleged) pedophiles of the Alliance! Oh!"

"Good! They have been the number one force for stirring up anti-China hysteria, and as I say, the Chinese are my chosen people, and thus must be protected. The Alliance want honest Kiwis to die in a war with China, and for what? For nothing more than a few cheap political points. You must join Pirates, as they are the only party that is above party politics, and doesn't resort to stirring up Sinophobia to score a political win. For their win shall turn to ashes in their mouth, by the time this is done."

"Thank you Lord! I shall destroy them! The people of New Zealand shall cast them out! By the Lord!"