The wind came down from the mountains, cold. The huddled masses awaited the speaking of TheSensibleCentre, known throughout the twin islands as one of the greatest orators of our time... perhaps, even, of all time. The crowd numbered in the hundreds of thousands, the gathered admirers desperate for even a glance of TheSensibleCentre.

"Children of the twin islands -- which is what I call New Zealand. Greetings. I am, the Sensible Centre. But you would do well to call me Yoda, because that name is much shorter to say, and well... let's just say you'll be hearing it a lot. You'll be hearing it a lot when we, the Pirate Party, storm into the Beehive and form a government that stands up for ordinary Kiwis!"

The crowd bursts into exclamations. Like in the Bible, people tear their clothes, but it's out of passion, rather than any sort of sorrow.

"I think every single one of us has had enough of this hysteria around China. Every day you turn on the TV and what do you see? You see some bald little monster they dragged out of the think tank, still dripping wet and glistening with moisture, to talk about how we need to spend billions of dollars on machine guns and submarines so we can stand up to the decadent Oriental empire. They're acting like the Chinese spend all day rubbing their hands together as they plot an invasion of New Zealand that will establish state capitalism all across the twin islands.

"What rot! What rubbish! Tell you what the Chinese do, they go about their lives like the rest of us. Probably they have a delicious stir-fry dish. Some noodles. They certainly don't occupy their minds with how to destroy the Kiwi way of life. No, such a thing is absurd. Most of them probably never even THINK of New Zealand.

"But... If you want to talk about a group that spends all day plotting a way to destroy the Kiwi way of life, then I can point you in the direction of one. That's right folks, it's the globalists. The globalist elite is a cabal represented by the Alliance party, who want to bring about the reign of Communism. That's right. Communism.

"How about these Alliance bozos stop talking about China and start focusing on the real threat in our own backyard -- of course, they never will, because that means accepting that they are the enemy.

"Go over to Hungary or Bulgaria, ask the people there what they think of Communism. The Communism that was imposed on them by the guns of the red army. That's right, they'll say they've had a gutful and they don't like Communism. They've had more than enough of Communism.

"And when I talk to Kiwis, they tell me they've had more than enough of living under the Communist regime of the Alliance. This Socialism means... well, let me tell you."

The crowd is on the edge of their seats.

"Just yesterday I was speaking to a young farmer whose farm was requisitioned by the government. That's right, they collectivised it, just as the USSR of old did to the kulaks. Want to know what happened next? More than a billion people were killed. That's right. A billion.

"So if you want the government to focus on things that matter to you, instead of rubbish like genderqueer soldiers in the war on China, then vote Pirate. We will end regional blackspots by 2030!"

The crowd erupts into orgasmic bliss.