You know, sometimes sex is about the sex. That's not how I'm feeling right now. I want to vent and make connections I suppose, and there has to be someone into the incel-y quiet secretly-perverted guy who shifts his gaze any time you catch him looking at you, if at all.

I have this fixation on porn especially violent hentai that helps me calm down. I am not sure yet, but how do you tell other people besides your therapist that you feel aroused by thinking about snapping their arm, or hearing them cry, or stuff I don't even know if I can stomach talking about with a stranger. It's a weird dichotomy where I feel insecure about relaying my violent or niche-fetish fantasies, and yet the reason they are there in the first place is it helps me feel empowered and feel something.

I wish I could have a girlfriend that is similar to anime, as pathetic as that is to say, but whatever. This isn't real ideological misogyny I hold, and I have never truly seen myself as an incel, but you know women in porn seem like the best people to date when they aren't just profitting off of suicidal ideations. Some of my happiest moments has been listening to audio porn where you have a woman who does care about you, even though she doesn't know your name which is still really nice. And then, to do something I might get judged for, my ex was not really as caring to me emotionally as an anime girl or an audio pornstar would be. And I know I sound psychotic, but that's kind of the point. Sometimes I take a step back and remember I don't really have any family or friends and I was raised on the internet, so why wouldn't a small part of me want to fantasize about following a woman for miles just to end up in a dumpster with her fucking her dismembered body in tears or something idk. How romantic.

Okay shows over.

I ramble and I have a nice autistic voice perfect for stalking women with or something idk. A lot of people fall asleep to my voice, but idk. That bothers me too in a way. And yep fantasies are real, misanthropic feelings are too, but I don't care to hurt woman nonconsensually or do anything illegal. Hmu ig