Tomorrow would have been my due date. Today, I walked past a Carters store in the mall & caught sight of the cute baby clothes. I try to divert my attention from all the baby clothes as i shop for my other kids but today the display in the store window caught me off guard. I found myself clutching my stomach. It's funny how hollow I feel.

Since the miscarriage I've finally understood I was in an abusive relationship, gotten a restraining order, moved, & gotten our children into counseling. I probably would have stayed if his true colors hadn't shown during & after the miscarriage. It took awhile to come to grips with being v yelled at while miscarrying wasn't normal... that nothing was normal.

Tomorrow...well now that I see the time...today, I should've been holding our 4th child. I could already see him, smell him, I knew my child & couldn't wait to see how amazing it would be just like its older siblings. I thank my sweet baby for quite possibly saving my life & I have peace knowing that while its father cared so little & made me keep the pregnancy a secret, God saw him & he was well loved. I'm sorry for rambling just needed to vent so I can face the day.