I’ve heard that writing is theraputic so I have decided to share what I went through yesterday.

TW: this is pretty gross.

So in the beggining of this week I found out that my pregnancy ended at 8,5 weeks, while I was supposed to be closer to 11 weeks at that point.

Last ultrasound was at 8w4d with everything measuring on track, strong heartbeat and no concerns.

This is my second MMC this year and, as there are no known causes, we decided to send the embryo for testing. Apparently, this can be done without a D&C, which was a relief for me as I am terrified of sedation.

I was quite concerned about gathering the material as it would need to be driven to another clinic 2,5 hours away by my husband.

I was given mifepristone two days in advance and scheduled to come in for misoprostol at the clinic.

They inserted 4 tablets into me and advised me to lay down and wait.

This time, unlike last time, I started cramping up quite quickly (last time I didn’t get mifepristone and it took me 8-9 hours just to get the cramps despite the additional miso dose).

“Luckily” for me the cramps during period or otherwise always mean explosive diarrhea, so I ended up sitting on the toilet (that was in my room at the hospital - impressive as last time at a different hospital I had to use the “public toilet”).

The staff knew I needed to collect the “sample” so they brought me some portable toilet thing I would need to go into once I felt the blood and tissue come out.

It was all well and I was able to play games on my phone for an hour or so until I wasn’t. I wasn’t bleeding but the cramps or rather contractions became intense. I couldn’t breath through them and the pain was debilitating, absolutely nothing like I’ve ever felt before.

Last time, I passed the tissue within 20-30 minutes of the pain having gotten real bad so I tried to wait. After an hour or so I pressed the emergency button to get the nurse and begged her for a painkiller. I couldn’t really speak as I was shaking from pain but all she brought me was a pill of ibuprofen and two more tylenol (paracetamol) pills later.

I couldn’t take them right away because the pain was so bad I couldn’t move or breath or I knew I would scream out and I was doing everything I could to stay quiet. The nurse couldn’t understand me when I spoke because I was suffocating from the pain and couldn’t get the words out properly.

After another hour and several crawls to the toilet, I was on the toilet again. I couldn’t get back to the bed because the pain was so intense that I couldn’t stand, so I ended up on the toilet floor in a “childs yoga pose 😂😅”.

That was where the nurses found me. I was around 3 hours into the pain at this point. It went something like “extremely painful contraction followed by a minute or less of extreme but slightly milder pain” and back to “debilitating pain”.

At this point they took me seriously as I was probably pale and shaking (no idea what I looked like). I am assuming this as a nurse stayed by my side non stop, they took my blood pressure and were super mindful of me until I got discharged.

I got helped to the bed with a nurse trying to talk me through breathing and massaging my back. Another nurse gave me a shot of some kind of stronger painkiller (finally?).

That helped a little as I was able to breathe through the contraction now instead of tensing up inside. Soon after I felt something inside my uterus pop and the pain reduced significantly. I wasn’t sure what happened but suddenly I felt a gush of liquid. Ran to that chair thing, sad down and a bunch of red water came out of me. I was being watched sitting on this toilet by two nurses but at that point I didn’t care. That is when I realized my water broke.

A few minutes later I went back to the chair and more liquid with a little tissue came out. The pain at this point reduced to mild period cramps and I realized I was extremely hungry.

Still, they told me eat and wait until the tissue I need to collect comes out.

So I ate a protein bar and went back to look at what came out of me into the chair. Thats when I realized that an embryo was floating in the red water with no other tissue. It was decapitated, head was floating separately. I realized it was a head as it had eyes. And next to it there was a tiny body floating. It was whitish gray and almost see-through but you could tell where the legs and arms were. It is freaking me out as I am typing this but at that point I was so numb from pain, I felt nothing.

So I told the nurse that I found the embryo and she said it was strange as there should have been a lot more tissue with it. I agreed as last time the sac came out intact followed by clumps of more tissue.

She called the doctor, who confirmed it was the embryo and gave me an ultrasound - uterus was clear. I was discharged home, bewildered by where all the other tissue went.

My husband drove to the other clinic to submit the sample (I also had blood collected), while I stayed home to recover. I ate a bunch of food as I was ravenously hungry and decided to shower. I was standing in the shower when I felt something slide out of me and fall on the tile. It was the sac together with the placenta. Deflated yet still the size of a fist. How the doctor didn’t see it in the hospital is beyond me, but at least the mystery of where the tissue went was solved.

It seems the contractions popped the sac, the embryo flushed out together with the liquids inside it and the rest of the tissue was hanging out in me not causing much discomfort and slowly got expelled.

Despite all the pain, I am still glad I didn’t go with D&C as the experience provided a lot of closure and also gave me some knowledge into what actual labor is like.

Do let me know if you have any questions!