Well, not with her. But if you remember, I was having some problems with my husband and my mum feeling I was being a bit harsh and inflexible in enforcing boundaries with my MIL. My husband is autistic and tends to take what people say at face value; and a lovely commenter here suggested that my MIL was a narcissist, and perhaps my mum had never had to deal with a narcissist and therefore didn't (couldn't) "get it".

Well, I did some reading up on covert narcissists, and Christ on a cracker, MIL could be the poster child. I listed off for my husband and my mum (separately) the traits of covert narcissists, and they are both now absolutely on side. It just so perfectly describes MIL and her batty behaviour that it made lightbulbs go off for them both.

My husband actually laughed a couple of times when I said, "This trait doesn't really apply, but..." and he was like, "No, it does! It totally does!" and related an anecdote from childhood. He says it's made a lot of stuff from when he was a kid click into place. He actually called it "a liberating realisation".

Even better, he says he now realises he has to set and enforce boundaries. He talked to her this morning and she said something to the effect of, "Is Becca any better or is she still feeling very wound up because of lockdown?" He replied, "Mum, Becca was not the problem. You did something you knew was not allowed. Becca is DD's mother, not you, and that means she gets to decide how best to raise her and keep her safe, just like you got to with me and my brothers. If she sets a boundary, you have to respect it, and I will absolutely back her up on that."

I know someone will point out that he said it was my boundary, not ours, but again, he's autistic and finds the subtleties of social stuff a challenge. That he put her in her place like that is huge for me.

In other news, MIL texted me this afternoon with pictures of clothes on sale (for DD) and asked which ones I liked. I knew this was a prelude to "I just thought I'd drop them round", so I said no. And that's the problem, isn't it? To anyone outside the situation, that looks like a bitch move and a paranoid reaction in response to a sweet gesture. But this time, my mum and my husband both got it!

This is such a huge relief to me, and I think it's going to make my life so much easier going forward.

Sorry for the essay!