I posted the other day about my MIL turning up outside our window to talk to our toddler, even though we'd told her the little one would be upset. And of course she was. I got some wonderful support that I really appreciated.

My husband spoke to her on the phone today and she said:

1. She's thought about it and thinks we should put it behind us.

2. She "sends me all her fondness" (I've been downgraded from all her love, oh noes).

3. I quote, "If I have to lick Becca's boots, so be it."

So she's positioning respecting our boundaries (my husband was actually the one who told her no to outside-the-window visits) as "licking my boots".

It's a clumsy, obvious, obnoxious attempt at divide and conquer, and at positioning me as the unreasonable one, but my husband is autistic and he didn't pick up on it - he read it as her being genuinely contrite. We've talked about it, though, and he says he's on my team and will always be on my team.

Haven't heard from MIL yet. Husband initially suggested I "send her a nice message" (this was immediately after he got off the phone with her, before we discussed it), and I said fat sodding chance. I'm still pretty incandescent, because my daughter is a bright, highly sociable little girl who communicates her needs very well, and now she wants to see her grandma. If MIL wants to apologise and promise not to do it again (not that I'll believe her), fine, we'll move on. It'll be a cold day in Hell before I make believe like I'm the one in the wrong to keep the peace.

BUT. My VeryYes Mum is a peacemaker. She thinks I'm being harsh. I usually value her advice. I know my boundaries when it comes to my daughter are inflexible (but not at all unreasonable IMO). So am I being too harsh?