My(20f) bum ex (28m) introduced me to meth around the end of last month, i suspect it was a last resort attempt to control me, but it backfired and i realized how awful he is, as i would never introduce something i struggle with to someone i love and care about (also wouldn't rape them, mentally abuse them, threaten them at work, or steal from them but yk). for the first two weeks he held the bowl, lit it for me, told me when to suck, and had me smoking about .5 twice a day.. i have diagnosed aspergers and bpd so i got hooked quick and got my own supply (8ball).. i smoke way less on my own, i have a very accurate powder scale and weigh it out to about .25 (sometimes over/under but never more than .5 or even close)

I started scrolling this sub a few days ago to figure out if its possible for me to keep a healthy relationship with this drug as i can tell it's going to be hard for me to give up completely already. I have a healthy relationship with ket, weed, alc, oxy, and most psychs.. considering this i think its safe to add into my drug rotation as i have maintained a stable life(as stable as it can be with my disorders and lack of support or want for mental health help). i've workrd full time in retail management for two years now and live with my grandmother as we both need support from each other in different ways. I cannot risk my job or her well being just to feel good, but it feels SO GOOD. Smoking made me realize how awful and abusive my ex is, so i left for good, i've taken more joy in music and art which are my only coping skills and (no offense) when i get high i actually do productive things instead of jerking off for 5hrs straight. my room has never been this clean and comfortable to be in, i've been getting compliments on my productivity at work, laundry doesn't make me wanna kill myself.. you get it. so i guess i'm just asking what to do? is it possible to maintain a healthy relationship with meth? should i try, considering all the other shit i do? what does a healthy relationship look like with this drug? i was gonna pick up another 3.5 td as my ex is a thief and a fiend but should i say nvm?